The first trimester, what I've kept, and what I'm letting change
I can’t believe I get to grow life again, I’m very grateful, humbled and honestly very tired. To be pregnant with our fourth baby in five years is surreal and because I am certain it will be our last, I want to do my best to savor it and document it along the way. This topic can be extremely emotional, please don’t hesitate to take any measures to guard your heart and mind in ways that are necessary. If your journey is or has been difficult, I’m so very sorry and the last thing I want is to add to that in any way.
Finding Out
As is our tradition, I took a pregnancy test and then wanted Drew to look at it first - somehow seeing his face is better to me than negative or positive, but this particular night I got a tough text about a dear friend whose battle with cancer was coming to an end and left the bathroom and honestly kind of forgot about the test. Drew had been telling me for a few days he thought I was pregnant and I knew I was a few days late on my cycle so I did have a strong feeling I was, but when he came to bed later and didn’t say anything about the test, I figured it was negative. He went on to talk about multiple other things and then said, “oh and you’re totally pregnant it showed up right away.” So nonchalant! I can’t lie, the excitement of this pregnancy was very blunted with things that felt more important in life at the moment and it was sort of just information for a few weeks until the first appointment and we heard that beautiful little washing machine sound of a heartbeat. It gets SO real in that moment!
One very precious gift is that I was able to tell Carly (my dear friend who fought gastric cancer with all she had) in person on June 10th. She said she already had a feeling I was pregnant and needed a little more time to make her prediction, but is leaning towards a girl this time. She entered her heavenly home on June 13th. She promised to snuggle our heavenly babies and protect this one and that conversation and thought is and always will be sacred to me.
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We waited a while to tell other people – most not until closer to 13-15 weeks. Part of that was that we would see family in person in Montana and it’s always fun to share good news in person. Everyone was really surprised! I guess 4 kids in 5 years is nutty and that this baby’s due date in the first week of Feb (all our kids’ birthdays are within 3 weeks of each other) is par for the course.
How I’ve Felt in the First Trimester
I’m very fortunate to not have too many rough symptoms early in pregnancy and I know that’s not everyone’s experience – my biggest one is extreme fatigue in weeks 6-10. Essentially I know my energy will completely drop off around 3 pm so if I can be productive early in the day it’s probably my best bet and after 3 I feel like I’m just dragging myself through the day until bedtime. I’ve kept workouts similar, I’ve already been doing the 30 minute workouts and it strangely gives me energy to get moving, but getting started or waking up to an alarm was just so much harder. With each pregnancy, I think I have trusted my body and fitness base just a bit more and changed less and less about my workouts pre-emptively and just wait for anything to become uncomfortable to shift focus, use alternates or switch programming. That’s a personal preference, but I felt REALLY strong and athletic prior to this pregnancy using Moves weekly workouts and while those feelings are shifting slowly as my body does, I really do enjoy focusing on capability and doing many of the same things as pre-pregnancy as long as possible. For me, so much of pregnancy already feels like a shift of who I am in uncontrollable ways, so areas that can stay constant and familiar feel really special and worthwhile.
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Training Examples
Pull-ups: I told Drew that I’m not going to assume I have to lose my pull-up strength even if it gets harder, reps get lower, etc. I worked so hard for the 10-13 range I got to, so I’ve been doing 3 sets of 6-9 pull-ups 3x a week and I’m just going to keep plugging. At 15 weeks I got: 11, 9 and 7 pull-ups so I take the wins as they come.
Sprints: Keeping them until they’re not comfortable! Sprints can be so many modalities, but I’ve loved treadmill sprints and I’m sure I will need to adjust speed, but I plan to keep them until my body needs something different
Core work: No changes or modifications so far, but I have benefitted so much from the Mom Moves Core Centric & Mobility days 1-2x a week in prior pregnancies that I do plan to opt for that sometime in my 2nd trimester. Those sessions are an amazing blend of different planes, isometrics, rotation, stability and mobility that feels incredibly valuable and I believe has been key in my postpartum recovery. It includes the sling/crossbody work that I have found so effective in my C-section rehab and keeping those muscles coordinated and at work as centers of gravity shift is something I’m determined to do.
I feel like I really started showing around 14 weeks this time - it was pretty easy to hide early in the day but after I drank and ate anything it was pretty obvious to me! My body definitely settles into pregnancy quickly now that it knows the drill and hangs on to fat in the first trimester. I think with each pregnancy it’s become more obvious to me that is just what my body needs to do because I know not too many factors change with nutrition or workouts and even if they needed to that’s fine, because it REALLY is just a time that deserves lots of grace and I enjoy it most when I don’t place a priority in physical changes. I enjoy it all more when I stay focused on what I want my body to DO in the next phase (postpartum and beyond) and how I can set myself up to make that possible. It’s not easy every day, but I’m also BUSY with three little kids and how I look is simply not what is consuming my time or energy and it’s a blessing in many ways!
The Mental and Emotional Side
I hope it’s ok to say this, but I’m not someone who loves pregnancy - it feels long, my body feels foreign, my brain feels slow and I feel five steps behind in every way. I love our little family and never had a “we’re complete” feeling after my 3rd which was pretty surprising to me. We went back and forth for a while on whether to try for a fourth and when and ultimately we decided to go for it and I’m so glad. Drew was really kind and considerate of the nagging feeling I had that I would regret not trying. It happened within the first 3 months, and I'm so grateful. I know how complex other people's timelines can be, so guard your heart with anything I share. I understand. This will be our last! I plan to have a 4th C-section and tubal ligation during surgery and have absolute peace about it all.
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Duality
I don’t want to overly dwell on this, but walking with a friend and family through death and grief has added an appreciation for life and its joys WHILE highlighting the starkness of how it all happens simultaneously, woven into the same days, there is no separation. It’s made me acutely more aware of people who are hurting - I am one - and there are people dealing with so much more. I plan to share as much or as little about this pregnancy as the week dictates and will likely lean into the fitness and nutrition side because it feels more simple than the mental and emotional. We are so grateful for this precious gift and it will never feel like anything short of the biggest jackpot in the world to be this baby’s first home and see heaven and earth exchange a gift through pregnancy and birth.
I am excited to continue to share more and always feel that there are unparalleled levels of appreciation for my body and its capability during pregnancy and postpartum - women are extremely resilient and anything but fragile, but as I get older and busier, I genuinely feel the desire to build strength that transcends trends and seasons and that’s what I hope to keep doing, I hope you’ll join me!
